Blog Feed

Anniversary of My Suicide Attempt

by Kristen Hall
The semicolon project: my life could have stopped, but I continued on.

Exactly seventeen years ago, I attempted to take my own life. I don’t talk about it much because I don’t like to remember that day or the events after it. In actuality, I think part of my psyche has blocked it from my memory because I only remember bits and pieces.

I was thirteen. I remember the pain I felt; deep, intense, hopeless. I felt alone. Yet, when I went into the inpatient/outpatient programs, everyone just looked at me and said “You don’t belong here.” It wasn’t out of malice, even though it may sound like it. All the other teenagers around me had severely broken childhoods and families that really did not give a damn. And there I was – with two parents who loved me and who tried to give me the best life possible. It pains me to think of it because the guilt I felt was tremendous. “I didn’t deserve to feel pain”, I thought.

But the truth? Everyone is entitled to their emotions. We cannot compare circumstances. It does no good and it does not solve the problem.

While I did not have a broken family, I had a severe chemical imbalance – most of which I contribute to getting my menstrual cycle early. My body was developing fast, but my surroundings were not and my brain was still one of a thirteen-year-old. I would get conflicted as to how I should be feeling and what I actually was feeling.

In addition, the meds I was put on for my depression and anxiety were not handled properly. The doctor started me off on a high dose and then did not monitor it. My parents did not know any better. After all, they trusted the doctor.

To this day, I remember my dad’s face when he found out I overdosed on pain medication. I stayed home that day because I needed a mental break from school. I felt so alone with my feelings that I just broke – I grabbed the bottle without thinking and continued to shove the pills down my throat. My dad knew I did something. He kept asking, “What did you do? What did you do?” I don’t remember what tipped him off honestly, but he knew. I was honest. Then he called 911.

The cops showed up with an ambulance. I was so scared. I was crying. “I’m fine! I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Please don’t take me away.” I just wanted them to go away.

Once at the hospital, they pumped my stomach full of charcoal. I met with some doctors who I tried to convince “I WAS FINE”. But since I had made an attempt, I had to be inpatient for a couple days.

Those days were filled with the scariest moments I had seen yet being only thirteen. I was trying to understand my emotions, while also be frightened into seeing the worst of the worst situations. To give you an idea – someone smashed their head through a glass panel on a door in an attempt to end their life.

I wouldn’t understand this experience until much later in life. I never wanted to end my life. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to understand my feelings and how to feel better.

Since I refused to deal with it, those emotions just fostered into an eating disorder three years later. I used food as a cop out to control the emotions I felt were out of control.

Now almost two decades later, I have completely done a 180. I’m so glad I failed that day because I had so much to accomplish that God was planning for me. I look at my struggles with mental health as a time that made me stronger and more understanding. I am now able to help others with my story and encourage them to keep fighting. It is no walk in the park; it takes time, dedication, continual therapy, and patience. BUT IT IS SO WORTH IT. I truly believe we were each created for something special. Sometimes it takes others longer to find it and that’s okay. We each bloom at our own time.

When you feel at your lowest, remember me as an example to keep fighting. You have no idea what God has in store for you and who’s life you will one day impact. I’m in your corner.

If you or something you know is suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Help is available.

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #depression #selfcare #selflove #mentalillness #love #therapy #health #wellness #mentalhealthmatters #motivation #mindfulness #recovery #healing #ptsd #fitness #psychology #bipolar #wellbeing #life #loveyourself #inspiration #meditation #positivevibes #happiness #trauma #support #bhfyp

Watching Your Loved One Pass

by Kristen Hall

“I’ll be seeing you…”

Billie Holiday
No photo description available.

It was April 24, 2010. I was twenty years old. My dad was sick with pancreatic cancer and had just gone through his second major surgery in two years. Most of my days were spent between college classes and the hospital room in which I slowly watched my dad deteriorate.

On that warm spring day in April, I remember sitting at my kitchen table catching up on my college homework, while my mom was at the hospital and my boyfriend was at work. It was 3:30 in the afternoon and my phone began to ring. It was my mom – “I think you should come to the hospital. Dad is not doing good.” By the sound of her voice, I knew it was serious – yet I also did not realize what the rest of the day would entail.

I called my boyfriend, who drove my car to work that day. “I need you to come home and take me to the hospital – Dad is not doing well.” Without hesitation, he left work and drove the 45 minutes home.

By the time we arrived at the hospital it was around 5pm. When I walked in the room, I could see the difference and I knew something was wrong. He was not responsive and, according to the doctor, was on a high dose of morphine. I held his hand and told him I loved him. Within those fifteen minutes, his breathing began to slow down. I kept saying, “We need a nurse, something is not right”. I ran out and grabbed one. When she looked at him, she said “It won’t be much longer.”

With those words, a range of emotions went through me. No matter how much you know someone is at the end of their life, you are never prepared for that moment itself.

I spent the next five minutes watching as the breaths got slower and slower. His body was shutting down in front of my eyes, as his soul was preparing to move on. Breathing was shallow…then the last breath came…I watched his tongue as he breathed in and his body went limp. It was 5:20pm. Within twenty minutes of arriving at the hospital, my dad was gone.

I immediately dropped to the floor and screamed. My boyfriend leaned down and held me as I cried in disbelieve. I couldn’t even look at my mom because of the immense amount of pain I felt. Did this really just happen? Is my dad really gone?

I spent the rest of the night in a fog, yet to this day I remember odd details like what I was wearing, what food I ate, and what my dad looked like when I left that hospital room that day. My senses were heightened even though I felt like I was no longer in my body.

One of the last things I remember that day was picking up a picture frame I gave to my dad that said “Daddy’s Little Girl”. As I held the picture frame in my hand, I looked at the two of us and said, “I will always be daddy’s little girl”. All of a sudden, the lights flickered. Lights that have never flicked in the twenty years I have lived in that house. You can call it coincidence, but I call it my dad. It was a sign that no matter how far away he was, he was always going to be in my heart.

To this day, my mom questions if she did the right thing by calling me the day my dad passed away. My response? I was meant to be there. Dad waited for me. I would not take that away for anything. The hard part has been making peace with those last images of my dad in the hospital bed. While I am glad I was there, remembering him in that room is still hard for me to picture – even ten years later.

Watching a loved one pass for that reason is a very selfless act. We do it to help that person move on to their forever home in Heaven. But, for us, still on Earth, there is no amount of preparation that will help you with that moment you say goodbye.

What helps is making every day count up until that last day. Fill it with laughter, fill it with joy, tell stories, and say “I love you”.

When that day comes, remind yourself how strong you are and that it is okay to grieve. We need time to grieve in order to move on. You’ll feel numb, you’ll feel pain, and you’ll feel anger. Let yourself feel those emotions.

Then take a step back, fill yourself with the good memories, and say “I’ll be seeing you…”.

#grief #loss #griefsupport #griefjourney #love #griefandloss #grieving #lifeafterloss #healing #babyloss #death #stillbirth #griefquotes #depression #miscarriage #bereavement #stillborn #anxiety #infantloss #mentalhealth #griefsucks #babylossawareness #selfcare #pregnancyloss #childloss #griefawareness #in #stillbornstillloved #suicide #bhfyp #parentloss #dad

The Power of a “Vision Board”

by Kristen Hall

“When you make a decision, the universe rises up to meet you. Even when it comes to the hard things— you have to be able to let them go so that your hands are free to receive new blessings.”

– Rachel Hollis

A vision board is a powerful way of letting the law of attraction kick in. According to Forbes magazine, 82% of entrepreneurs who use a vision board say they’ve accomplished more than half the goals depicted. Simply put, a vision board is a collection of words, phrases, and pictures that signify a person’s goals and determination to make them happen.

What’s the purpose of creating a vision board? It helps provide clarity and focus – and more importantly, it reinforces your daily affirmations. When you release yourself from limiting beliefs and allow daily affirmations to take place, the possibilities are unlimited!

It is easy to get caught up in life and forget about your ultimate goals. With a vision board, you are constantly reminded of your dream, allowing you to fight back against any negative thoughts or circumstances. Most of the time our negative self-talk actually discourages us (and ultimately prevents us!) from becoming who we were purposed to be. A vision board appeals to both the conscious and subconscious mind, keeping you focused on your intentions and the direction you want to go.

How to get started:

– Make a list of the following categories:
Health, Family, Career, Spirituality, Love, Wealth, Hobbies/Bucket List.

-Jot down what you ideally want your life to look in each of these categories

-Start cutting phrases and pictures out of magazines that match your vision. Also, you type phrases or can go online for pictures.

-Then arrange the pictures/phrases on a corkboard or poster board. Then viola!

#visionboard #dreams #goals #ceo #bossbabe #ownyourlife #positivity #affirmations #future

Suffering from Chronic Pain

by Kristen Hall

“Throughout the world, 1 in 5 people suffer from moderate to severe chronic pain.”

Breivik H, Collet B, Ventafridda V, Cohen R, Gallacher D. Survey of chronic pain in Europe: prevalence, impact on daily life, and treatment. Eur J Pain. 2006;10:287-333. 

February 24, 2015 – It was 3:10 in the afternoon. I was working as a Pre-K teacher at the time and had just finished setting up for the next day. I grabbed my things and headed to my car. I called my husband at the time to tell him I was leaving, and I proceeded to pull out of the parking lot. Little did I know that the next twenty minutes would change the course of my life forever.

Thirteen minutes passed. It was now 3:23 in the afternoon. For some reason, I remember the time distinctly even if the rest is a bit fuzzy. I was driving down Rt. 30 when I came to an intersection. I pulled around the car in front of me and continued to drive straight. I saw a car coming in the opposite direction. I prayed “please don’t turn in front of me” because I literally had nowhere to go. In milliseconds, the car turned hitting my driver’s side door sending my car spinning into an electrical box. Smoke from the air bag blew up and that is about all I remember in those moments.

Fast forward eight weeks later – after being out on medical leave, I tried hard to put the pieces of my life back together. I suffered a concussion (and, from that, frequent migraines), pain down my arm from a pinched nerve, and pain in my neck/back from bulging and herniated discs. With the help of a neurologist and chiropractor, I was back up and moving around at the end of those eight weeks but the pain still persisted.

Now, almost five years later, I have learned to compensate for the days I feel the pain the most. Unfortunately, chronic pain has a way of changing you, whether you want it to or not.

Here are five things that I struggled with following my accident:

  1. Isolation/Loss of a social life – When your body hurts, the last thing you want to do is use what little energy you have left to go out. As a result, I definitely began spending more time alone and less time with friends.
  2. Loss independence/career – This past year, I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease twice. That was the frosting on the cake — I honestly re-evaluated my teaching career and decided I no longer had the physical energy to keep up. I started working a desk job instead.
  3. Unpredictability – Some days are good, some days are bad. This makes it hard when it comes to getting things done or working out. You are at the mercy of your body.
  4. Ignorance/Lack of Understanding from others – I hate to say it like this because it wasn’t like others purposely didn’t care…it was just hard for them to understand my pain when they did not feel it everyday and you could not physically see it.
  5. Depression – As someone who likes to be active, it is hard to be a slave to my body – especially in the colder weathers when I feel more discomfort. I fight to get out of this mindset almost on a daily basis.

Moderate to severe chronic pain affects one out of every five people on this planet.

I wanted to share my experience because pain can have a major impact on an individual and how they lead their life. For example: Plans may be changed at the last minute. Texts might be answered later than expected. Fits of frustration might just come out of nowhere. All of these resulting factors can begin to impact relationships over time. It is important to stay open-minded and to try to understand how adapting to pain can change you as a person.

If you personally are the one suffering from chronic pain, know that your physical and emotional pain is valid. You are not lazy and you are not crazy. Letting yourself rest does not make you weak. The pain you smile through everyday makes you strong. It is okay to take baby steps. The pain itself does not define who you are – YOU DEFINE WHO YOU ARE…..AND YOU ARE ONE STRONG ASS BITCH for every breath you breathe and every day you wake up determined to make your dreams come true.

#painrelief #backpain #cbd #wellness #health #pain #painmanagement #neckpain #cbdoil #massage #fitness #massagetherapy #physicaltherapy #recovery #healing #physiotherapy #backpainrelief #chronicpain #anxietyrelief #stressrelief #selfcare #healthylifestyle #chiropractic #kneepain #arthritis #hemp #relaxation #cbdlife #cbdheals #bhfyp #chronicpain #depression

When You Find “The One”

by Kristen Hall

“There are many forms of love, as there are moments in time.”

Jane Austin

How do you know when you find “the one”? It’s going to sound simple, yet not simple all at the same time. The cliff notes version is you just know.

Now – you are probably reading this and thinking “that is the stupidest answer I have ever heard”, but let me explain further.

There are many kinds of love in this world. Many people end up settling for what they think is “the one” because they love them…however, you can love someone and also not be meant for them.

My ex-husband and I met about twelve years ago and were together for nearly ten years. We were only eighteen when we met so we spent a good part of our early years growing up together and figuring out life. During the ten years, I definitely did love him. At the time, I thought because I loved him, he must be “the one”. I had no other life experiences to tell me otherwise. While we had our issues and there were disagreements, I was conditioned to think all couples go through this (which they do to some degree). So I would repeat – “we will get through”. In doing so, I ignored several times when I questioned if I was in the right relationship. We were slowly drifting apart and going in separate directions. Yet, giving up my wedding vows was not something I was ready to do. Toward the end our relationship, it became very unhealthy – yelling, cursing, punching walls, infidelity…you name it. Clearly us ignoring we were not meant to be was no longer working.

Did we love each other? Yes. Were we supposed to be together? No.

Staying together because you love someone is not always the answer, especially if you analyze that love and find that something feels off. If you meditate on it, quite often you will find the answer. It is important to trust your gut at this point.

When I met my current girlfriend, within that first month I knew she was the one. I know – completely crazy – especially because within the ten years I was with my husband – I was never that sure.

My love for her is completely different from the love I felt for my husband. It doesn’t mean I loved him any less – it just means I loved him differently.

There are certain signs to look for that signal the passionate kind of love you feel when you meet “the one”. That does not mean you have to end every relationship you come across because they aren’t perfect for you. But for those of you that want to settle down, get married, and start families – it is important to consider if your significant other is really the right match for you before you move to the next step.

So here are ten things that I noticed are different in my current relationship versus my last relationship:

  1. I feel more myself. I don’t have to worry about my mistakes or flaws because they are all accepted.
  2. Our goals and values align. We want the same things.
  3. She doesn’t complete me, but rather she makes me a whole person on my own and then just adds a wonderful light to it.
  4. We handle any problem or challenge in a mature way. We talk things out, we never argue.
  5. We have overcome obstacles together.
  6. Every day I wake up excited about life. I feel grateful to be alive and grateful to have her.
  7. Home is not always a place, but rather a person.
  8. I had a gut feeling she was the one.
  9. Our physical chemistry is off the charts and continues to be even years later.
  10. We are addicted to each other, but in a good way. We love being together, but also respect each other when we want to do our own thing.

I do not regret my marriage or being in a relationship with my ex-husband. But, I do regret staying longer than I should have. I was afraid to move on because I did love him and did not understand how I could just walk away from someone I loved. Then I learned, “there are many forms of love, as there are moments in time.” It was okay to love him and let him go because he was not “the one” for me.

#love #like #instagood #follow #photooftheday #happy #instagram #beautiful #photography #fashion #cute #life #art #picoftheday #family #music #style #nature #followme #smile #beauty #bhfyp #likeforlikes #travel #likes #friends #fun #instadaily #relationships #the one

What is Holding You Back?

by Kristen Hall

“A lot of the time, what holds us back and keeps us trapped is the thought that we aren’t the sort of person who can succeed.”

Katherine Hurst

As our souls enter into this world, each individual is born with a pre-designed purpose. As we grow and learn from experiences, we begin to recognize what our soul aligns with.

Often times, there are barriers. These barriers could be exterior – such as financial or situational – or these barriers could be created by our own mind, in which we stop ourselves due to self-doubt or fear of judgment.

Whether it be external factors or internal, it is vital to recognize what is holding you back. Force yourself to slow down and STOP – stop and reflect, “Am I reaching my fullest potential?”

The mind is a very powerful thing. Sometimes we become immune to the negative comments we say to ourselves, not realizing the damage it will cause.

I am the QUEEN of negative self-talk, and am just now learning how to break it. Since I was little, I always had the idea in my head that I was never enough. This was not something that was ever said to me, but more or less something I inflicted on myself. The idea of perfection was the overlying dark cloud that would follow me from childhood to adulthood. I had talents, but I could never rise to that top level where I wanted to be. As a result, I would tell myself “You are not good enough.”

Here’s the problem – I quit a lot of things because I felt “I was not good enough” and – the truth is – if I had given myself more time, I probably would have succeeded in one of the many things I quit.

So now I ask you – what is holding you back? What is it that you really desire and what is stopping you from getting there?

#fear #doubt #shame #keepgoing #mentalhealth #inspiration #dreams #life #time #innovation #motivation #motivationalquotes #anxiety

30 Day Challenge: Mind, Body, and Soul

by Kristen Hall

Here it is. The challenge you have been waiting for – the sign to start changing things little by little. If you love setting goals for yourself, here is a 30 day challenge to help your mind, body, and soul flourish. Commit to it and see where it leads!

MIND

  • Stay offline for one day per week.
  • Meditate every morning. Even if it is for five or ten minutes, allow yourself to sit in silence.
  • List three things you are grateful for every night before you go to bed.
  • Take a self-care day.
  • Get up when your alarm goes off.
  • Listen to soothing music before going to sleep.

BODY

  • Drink half of your body weight in ounces of water every day.
  • Go for a walk or run after lunch or dinner.
  • Begin an exercise routine. Start with 30 min three times a week.
  • Try a yoga class.
  • Drink tea or fizz sticks instead of coffee/soda.
  • Start meal prepping.
  • Soak in a bubble bath or spend some time at a sauna.

SOUL

  • Go to bed at a reasonable time.
  • Begin reading a new book that resignates/inspires you. Commit to a few pages a day.
  • Reach out to someone new.
  • Explore a new place.
  • Declutter your home.
  • Use natural beauty products.
  • Research essential oils and implement one into your life in some fashion within the month. My favorite is Lavender – it helps calm me, especially before bed.
  • Start one thing you have put off.
  • Compliment someone.
  • Make an effort to smile more.
  • Create a vision board.

#mindbodysoul #wellness #selfcare #health #love #mindfulness #meditation #healthylifestyle #yoga #selflove #mindbodyspirit #healing #mentalhealth #fitness #spiritualawakening #wellbeing #wellnessjourney #motivation #healthyhappylife #holistichealth #innerpeace #spa #holisticliving #gratitude #spirituality #lightworker #liveinspired #positivevibes #wisdom #bhfyp #relax #healthyliving #metime #beauty #lifestyle #loveyourself #mindfullness #emotionalhealing #mindset #mentalhealthawareness #treatyourself #nourishyourself #relaxation #yogaeverydamnday #holistichealing #mentalwellbeing #higherself #selfworth #massage #dayspa #yogainspiration #healthy #spiritualgrowth #spaday #inspiration #healthandwellness #transformation #yogaeveryday #natural #plantbased

Mindset – Ready, Set, GO!

by Kristen Hall

“The biggest disability is a bad mindset.”

Nick Santonastasso

The world is full of negative people. In your lifetime, you will come across many people who will tell you that you can’t do something or that your vision is too big. Many of us get discouraged and then tell ourselves that we are incapable of achieving our dream.

I’m here to tell you – GET THAT OUT OF YOUR HEAD. You will be amazed how many opportunities were missed because you told yourself you can’t.

The excuses and mindset blocks keep you from your potential. The only thing you actually need is a desire and indestructible will to get rid of any self-doubt or untrue belief keeping you stuck.

We constantly create our outer world with our inner thoughts without even realizing it. But you can change that.

First, you need to align yourself with a positive outer world who supports your dreams and encourages you to be your best self. Just a fun fact to consider: the five people you hang around the most are what you become. So, if you hang around with people who drain and deplete you, your outer world is going to continue to suffer. If you are not happy at your job, change it. If you aren’t happy in your relationship, change it. Refuse to stay stuck because it will affect your mindset and how you move forward.

Next, start saying positive things to yourself. Consistency is the key. Once you repeat it enough times, you will start to believe it. Try saying these positive affirmations below everyday and let yourself sit with it. Then see the difference it begins to make.

Affirmations work, Affirmations, Success affirmations, Self love affirmations, Love affirmations, Manifestation affirmations - Learn how to speed up your manifestations using the power of positive thi - #Affirmationswork

#mindset #motivation #success #inspiration #entrepreneur #business #goals #love #fitness #lifestyle #coaching #life #mindfulness #positivevibes #coach #selflove #quotes #selfcare #money #hustle #entrepreneurship #happiness #growth #leadership #positivity #motivationalquotes #happy #health #bhfyp

Body Image: Looks vs. Health

by Kristen Hall

“When did we become a society focused around looks and not health?”

Body image is a sensitive topic to many people, myself included. Even as a recovered anorexic, I still have my moments when I cringe at my body or nitpick every little roll or imperfection.

I often wonder why I have a certain image in my head and why I think my body is not good enough. And then I remember the power of social media and marketing. An ad, a picture in a magazine, a post on the internet – everything has influence over our brain. As we grow up, these societal ideals are built in our head as the “norm”. It is almost like we are brainwashed from the beginning on what the perfect body entails.

But, my question is this – why have we become a society focused around looks and not health?

Let’s flash back to about twelve years ago. People were quick to assume I was losing weight to be “healthier” and did not hold back their comments of how good I was looking. Little did they know, I had no clue about accurate nutrition and was starving myself in order to match the idea of what I thought looked perfect. My potassium was quickly dropping and my intestines were barely functioning. And then mentally – that’s a whole other story. There was nothing good going on in my head. It was filled with negativity, body dysmorphia, and just a poor outlook on life. So while I fit within society’s body type, I was in very poor health.

Seeking validation based on our body type is a dangerous territory to tread in. The make up of our body should not matter, other than focusing on optimizing our health to feel physically better – not try to change our body because society says that’s what we should do.

It’s also important to note that, the problem isn’t always with our body – most of the time, it’s what we think of our body and – more importantly – what we think of ourselves.

the scale.


#bodyimage #bodypositive #selflove #fitness #loveyourself #bodypositivity #motivation #intuitiveeating #bodyacceptance #selfcare #weightloss #confidence #gym #health #nondiet #haes #love #selfesteem #mentalhealth #loveyourbody #foodfreedom #wellness #diet #selfconfidence #happiness #healthateverysize #body #workout #workoutmotivation #bhfyp

My “Coming Out” Story

by Kristen Hall

“I am gay. I am straight. I am a lesbian. I am bisexual. I am trans. I AM HUMAN.”

My story is anything but ordinary, especially when it comes to my relationships and sexual orientation.

The most common question I get is, “Did you always know you were attracted to women?” The answer is quite simple – yes, and no. 😉

Growing up, I knew I was attracted to women’s bodies but – if I’m being honest – women, frankly, were annoying to me. I am a low maintenance, fun outdoorsy type. I don’t need a lot of things to make me happy. The girls I grew up with were not like that. So to me, the thought never occurred,”Oh, maybe I could be a lesbian.” I also had the longest crush on a guy for most of my schooling, so again, my sexual orientation was never a question.

During my teenage years, while I was not aware of my own identity, I supported others who were discovering themselves and would praise friends who came out. In addition, I would occasionally check out the LGBT events, but that was about as far as that went.

Then college came. Within the second week of Freshmen year, I fell for a guy, who would later become my husband. For the first year or two, things were great. Then I found out he cheated on me with my roommate, and things were never the same after. We spent ten years in an on-again, off-again relationship (I was definitely not a saint during those years, let me make that clear).

While he grew restless with our relationship, I did as well. Even before getting married, I wondered if I was doing the right thing. In this mixed up time, I was starting to wonder about my sexuality. He found it enticing at first that I could be interested in women, so I began to explore that part of me. As our issues continued to mount, he and I both realized “that part of me” grew louder – especially the more our relationship unraveled.

Fast forward to Fall 2017, I found out he cheated on me again and was browsing internet dating sites . At this point, after just having a miscarriage as well, I was mentally done and checked out of the relationship. I could not give anymore to this marriage no matter what he did to try to make it up. We began living separate lives, but we still lived together. As I described in previous posts, I overdosed on anxiety meds twice during this period of time and drank heavily to deal with the pain. It was December when I downloaded the app “Her” – a lesbian dating app. I was so annoyed at my situation and figured if he can get something from these apps, why can’t I? And a lesbian one, even better – no fucking men!

Long story short, I downloaded the app but barely used it. One – I felt guilty, and two – I wasn’t in the right place to be with anyone. On December 20th, a girl messaged me saying “hey” and asking “what I was looking for”. I think I was in one of those moods where I just didn’t care anymore so I answered and went on about my sob story. The funny thing was – she was going through an almost mirror situation. Talk about the heavens aligning.

We spent a few months talking, supporting each other as friends as we both tried to end our long-term relationships and get our lives back. The more time we spent talking, the more I realized how much I liked her. This was the first time I really felt this deep about someone since my husband – and it was a woman! At the time I was discovering my feelings for her, we never crossed that line from friends to lovers because we knew things were already dicey – but the romantic pull was strong. I liked her as a person and I was insanely attracted to her. I had a hard time comprehending this concept.

After filing for divorce, I began telling my immediate family the situation. At the time, I had no idea if things would work out between her and I, but I knew that I needed to be real with them. My brother and mom supported me wholeheartedly, but it was definitely an adjustment for them as months went on and this girl and I actually began dating. They were not used to seeing me with a female, which lead to some awkward moments to say the least. There were times I cried because I felt like if I was dating a guy it would be different. Guys and girls show affection all the time, why is it so different now that I am with a girl? I knew it would take time for everyone to adjust, so we tried to be more considerate while everyone got to know each other better. It was hard to not show how in love we were though, because – honestly – for the first time in a long time, we both were so happy. We could not hide the happiness we were feeling.

I was hoping that by the time of my mom’s wedding later that year, everyone would be more comfortable. I remember calling my Aunt in fear that my family would not accept me. She told me to calm down, that people’s views are changing and evolving. It just takes time.

By the time of the wedding, everyone had grown to love my girl and, to my surprise, my extended family was so accepting and happy for me. My mom’s cousin’s comment stands out the most – “I’m just so happy -You are happy. Your mom is happy. Mike is happy. Everyone is happy!”

Now two years later, life couldn’t be more amazing. I am still with this amazing girl and she has become a part of my family. And most importantly, I am finally at peace with myself.

So the question I’m sure everyone has on their mind, if you are “bi”, would you ever be with a guy again? The answer is “no”.

The reason? It has nothing to do with my orientation and everything to do with me finding “my person”.

When you find yourself, you know when you have found the right person for you….whether you are gay, straight, bi, queer, lesbian, trans, etc. – you will know. That person will signal those heart strings that say “GAME OVER” and sexual orientation will mean nothing -“I am gay. I am straight. I am a lesbian. I am bisexual. I am trans. I AM HUMAN” just like you.

#comingout #lgbt #gay #pride #lgbtq #loveislove #bisexual #queer #love #gaypride #lesbian #transgender #persian #instagay #asexual #lovewins #pansexual #cute #nonbinary #bi #homosexual #comingsoon #trans #pan #gayisokay #ftm #instagood #gaylove #bhfyp #love #like #instagood #follow #photooftheday #happy #beautiful #instagram #girlswholikegirls #divorce #herapp #bravery #brave #edrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #anorexiarecovery #anorexia #eatingdisorder #mentalhealth #edfighter #edwarrior #anarecovery #bulimiarecovery #anorexianervosarecovery #recoveryispossible #ed #intuitiveeating #bulimia #recoveryisworthit #recoverywin #food #selflove #anorexianervosa #mentalhealthawareness #haes #edfam #recoverywarrior #anorexiafighter #fearfood #bodypositive #foodfreedom #bhfyp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #depression #selfcare #love #selflove #health #mentalillness #therapy #recovery #motivation #wellness #mindfulness #healing #ptsd #mentalhealthmatters #fitness #wellbeing #loveyourself #psychology #life #meditation #happiness #worldmentalhealthday #suicideprevention #endthestigma #inspiration #positivity