My Experience: Losing Both Parents Early

Imagine this. You are 18. You are by legal terms an “adult”, but in all other aspects you are kid trying to find your way in this crazy world. This is often a time when many people go off to college, start a career, party, make mistakes, begin romantic relationships – basically explore what life has to offer before having adult responsibilities.

Now, imagine at the same time – your dad has dementia. While most kids are going off exploring the world, you are partly stuck in “adult mode” because your relationship is changing from child to caretaker.

Fast forward a year and you are told (within the same month) that both your parents have cancer. Both have critical surgeries at the same time (and I mean are actually in the hospital at the exact same time) and you are left wondering whether you and your sibling will be orphaned by the end of the year.

Now again, imagine getting through that year (thinking you are in the clear) only to lose one of your parents the following year from the same cancer just speeding up. Your world suddenly crashes. You are left picking up the pieces of your own heart, while also trying to be a rock for your mom who just lost her soulmate.

Fast forward eleven years. You will fight to find some type of normalcy within those years, but every time you think you are close, another health scare comes about for your only living parent. That’s right – the big “C” word keeps coming back AND in different forms.

Now you are slightly over 30, and you must relive your worst nightmare again – watching a parent you love so much take their last breath. Not only are you flooded with emotions of grief and anger – but you must also be forced to put those emotions on hold, in order to step into the role of executer and fulfill the wishes of your parents’ estate.

You try your best to balance it all, keeping busy and taking care of your parents’ last wishes – yet everyday ends in tears because it doesn’t feel fair that life could be so cruel.

This – my friends – seems like a hellish story, but unfortunately for me and my brother – it isn’t just a story. It is reality.  

When one parent dies, life changes as we know it. We start to question life and its purpose. We start to imagine all the events they are going to miss and the memories that were shared. We start to think what we could have said or have done differently – or even just imagining one last moment to make everything right.

No matter how old we are, losing a parent is not easy. But what most people don’t know is that losing both parents before you’ve barely had a chance to start your own life – that, my friends, is a nightmare…and a nightmare that few can understand.

As a parentless 32-year-old, you begin to disassociate with others because of lack of understanding. When people ask specific questions about your parents, sometimes lies are told or avoidance of the subject altogether occurs in order to not utter the words “my parents aren’t alive anymore.”

Society tells is that we will all go through the five stages of grief. But anyone who has lost a parent, or both, knows that isn’t always the case. Some of us get lost in one stage for years, some of us skip some stages, and some of us never get to the point of acceptance.

I don’t know if I will ever fully get to the point of acceptance. But one thing I know for sure is that my brother and I will use these events to work on ourselves and our brother-sister relationship, so that we can make the most out of the short life we are given. We don’t expect others to understand what we have gone through – because we don’t even fully understand it ourselves. But, have sympathy…have patience…believe that we are doing the best we can under the crappy circumstances handed to us. Believe it or not, our parents did prepare us for this moment. And while emotionally it does not make the acceptance of either one of their deaths easier, we were set up as best as possible to know what to do and to do so with grace.

So now, we carry out each day in memory of Mom and Dad. We hope to make them proud, while equally healing the broken parts of ourselves that died slightly with them the days they went home to God.

So, if nothing else, take this from my story: Life is short. The time you think you have, you really don’t. And while it is quite cliché, each day should be lived like it is your last. You will lose family. You will lose friends. People will turn their back on you, and at the same time people will show up for you when you least expect it. Experiences (whether they good or bad) help our soul to grow. We all have a soul contract putting us here for a certain number of years. We cannot change that fact – only learn to grow from it. Allow yourself to grieve – whether that be from someone passing, a major life change, a job loss, WHATEVER. Just allow yourself to feel – even if it feels extremely uncomfortable. That is the only way you begin to process and move forward. You may never fully heal the way you want and go through the stages of grief in the order defined by society…BUT that is okay. Don’t be afraid to tell your story.  Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. We can all learn something from another’s story.


#grief #loss #parents #lossofparents #griefjourney #griefsupport #mourning #healing #healingjourney

The Effects of Social Media

I’m not like everyone else. I never will be. You could say that’s a good thing. That makes me unique. And many times I feel the same way. But then there are times, that I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. At a social event for instance – You’ll see others drinking and staying up late. You’ll find me with water in the corner, ready to turn in by nine. I wasn’t always like that, but as I find myself I realize I’m most comfortable that way. I’m a homebody. I love my animals, my safe space, the people I’m closest to. I’m simple – I’m not about presentation or what others think. What you see is what you get. Like I said – sometimes I love this about me. But other times, I find myself asking “why can’t I fit in?” I try and then feel extremely unsettled because it doesn’t align with me. Have you ever felt this way?

I’m sure we all have at one point in our lives – but truth is – there is no one right way to be. Me drinking water isn’t better than others drinking alcohol – it just is every individual being an individual. So why do I feel like others are superior to me or doing the “cool” thing? What makes that the right thing in my mind?

The closest answer I have to that question is the increased use of social media, accompanied by low self esteem. Recently I watched a documentary on Netflix entitled “The Social Dilemma”. In that documentary, they argue that with the rise of social media, people have become more depressed because they envision life a certain way. With pictures of what seems like the perfect life and filters to distort what we really look like, it is hard to convince yourself that life isn’t always perfect or one way.

We are conditioned to think we need to fit in with this image, but what does it mean to fit in? Get married, have babies, have the perfect body, and job? This is not everyone’s path…and trying to fit in with this stereotype will only force yourself out of alignment.

In the end, how is that the right thing to be doing?

I have being doing some soul searching and this is what I have discovered – at the end of the day, we aren’t meant to conform to anything. We are meant to find like-minded people to do life with. Social media depicts only a small snapshot of a person’s overall life – and that snapshot is not everyone’s path. There is no right way to do life. It’s about finding your tribe – the people that will lift you up and help you develop into your best self.  You will not always be everyone’s cup of tea and that is okay. Embrace who you are, follow only those that lift you up….and do not let yourself think you are less than what someone else portrays themselves to be.

Social media can be a great thing – but do not let it determine who you are and what you stand for.

#socialmedia #selfesteem #depressed #life #encouragement #inspiration #keepgoing

When Life Throws You Lemons…

Recently I found out I have two insulin resistant issues, hypoglycemia and PCOS. Why is this difficult? I HAVE to stay active and eat clean to reverse symptoms, even when I don’t want to or feel up to it. I generally enjoy being active but chronic headaches and pain often has me taking a step back or “taking the easy way out”. If I choose to let this overcome me, I also risk my fertility, continued weight gain, tiredness, more pain, etc. Yes, you read that right – if I succumb to pain and rest, I increase the pain. 🤷‍♀️

Doesn’t feel fair but that is life. Sometimes you have to do what you can. Give a little, get a little – understand that life is not perfect, or ideal. You work with what you have and you FIGHT. If my momma taught me anything it is you fight even when you feel all your chips are down. She has aggressive cancer and she is dominating. You can’t let diagnoses or negativity impact your life or you will be running in circles your whole life. Be proactive and have faith ❤️❤️❤️💥💥💥 Share this with someone who needs some encouragement.

The Empowerment of Being Single

Don’t get me wrong – I am completely happy in my current romantic relationship. And I definitely don’t think that being in a relationship is wrong. What this article is about, is rather emphasizing the message that being single is okay – that being single should, instead, not be looked down upon but actually utilized to find one self in the process.

Often I hear the phrase “my other half” or “my person” or “I need to feel complete”. I have been guilty of saying these phrases myself and I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel comfort from having the love that I do have in my life. So if you have said these things, my point is I GET IT. I am not here to bring you down or make you feel badly for feeling this way. After all, we all deserve to feel love in our life. But I also want you to hear me out, and hear what I have experienced and how being single actually allowed me to find myself again.

A little over two years ago, I made the decision to divorce my husband. It was many years in the making, but I holded off for so long because I was afraid to leave…afraid for many reasons, but one of them being “who am I without this other person in my life?” Even though the relationship was no longer healthy, I felt like a half of a person anytime I thought about leaving.

When I got to my lowest point and finally threw in the towel, I spent the next four months rebuilding myself. There were many moments I cried. Many moments I thought about going back. Many moments that I thought “No one will ever love me again.” But I forced myself each day to get up, ignore these thoughts, and ignite positive energy into my day. I used the extra time to begin working out again. I started going out with friends. I became more dedicated to finding what I enjoyed, because for the last ten years it never felt about me. I was always taking care of someone else.

In these four months, I did find the love of my life who I am currently with today. But my point is – I stopped thinking about it. I stopped looking for love. I, instead, started looking within myself and building the love I needed to provide FOR myself. I did not rush into the relationship – instead, I stayed friends with her those four months and allowed myself the time to heal and feel steady on my own two feet. I needed to feel like I could do it on my own.

So instead of saying “she completes me”, I now say she encourages me to become a better version of myself. This would have only happened if I allowed myself to be single for those couple months. Being able to want someone, instead of needing them is a powerful concept.

#single #beingsingle #loveonself #strength #relationships #findingoneself

What Healthy Fitness Looks Like

If you know me, you know I’ve always been on the thinner side – not healthy thin – thin because I had an eating disorder. Then two years ago, I found the love of my life and got insanely happy. I just did me – I didn’t restrict any foods and just enjoyed living. As a result, I gained weight and developed PCOS – which made it hard to lose weight, and I ended up hating my body at a whole new level. In November 2019, I hired a trainer to teach me how to count macros and to reintroduce me to exercise. By March, I started tracking macros on my own but I was still drinking alcohol frequently which halted my progress. I knew drinking all together had to go. I upped my walking to 10,000 steps, drank 80oz of water/fizz a day, and began doing Zumba and HIIT workouts. Finally, I have broke a year long weight plateau. The physical pain I suffer keeps me from more intense workouts right now, but I physically feel so much better and am aligning myself mentally where my anxiety is finally low again – despite some very stressful events occurring.

My point to all of this is to say that sometimes you have to take a couple steps back in order to take steps forward. Sometimes you have to distance yourself from people that don’t help you grow. Sometimes you have to silence the world so you can help yourself flourish. I realize I will never be able to help others if I don’t help myself. Hence why my writing has temporarily stopped. I hope this resonates with someone and helps you realize the answer to your problem is YOU – your own inner strength. There’s no one in the world that can make you happy and no amount of material wealth that will make you happy. To be physically and mentally whole, you alone must do the work

Love is the Answer

Image may contain: 1 person, closeup and indoor

Memories on Facebook are a reminder of where we have been – sometimes this can bring up a lot of emotions, depending on what the post entails.

A year ago, I posted the message below*. Today it showed up and reminded me that no matter what life throws at you, LOVE is always the answer.

“Everyone is on their own private journey, with an entire world inside of them we will never fully come to know. We can go through the same experience together, but that moment will mean something entirely different to each of us. As we weave in and out of each other’s paths, I think the key is to love before we seek to understand. People will surprise us in a million ways. Some ways will hurt us and some ways will heal us. Some ways will challenge us and some ways will change us. What if each person is just a teacher, a looking glass that mirrors to us the two wolves within? Without tension there would never be any growth. Conflicts in nature is what creates islands, canyons, and supernovas that birth new worlds. So remember when life breaks your heart, it is so love can flow through the cracks.”

(**Because of the time lapse, I am unsure if I personally wrote this or shared it. I did not want to necessarily take credit if I did not write it. ).

The Misconceptions of PTSD

“The big issue for traumatized people is that they don’t own themselves anymore. Any loud sound, anybody insulting them, hurting them, saying bad things, can hijack them away from themselves. And so what we have learned is that what makes you resilient to trauma is your own self fully. ” – Dr. Bessel van der Kolk

Chances are, if you are reading this, you have heard of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) at some point in your life.

While I have a very personal reason for writing this, I wanted to go over what the clinical definition of PTSD is and just how many people in the U.S. are estimated to be affected. According to the American Psychiatry Association, one in every 11 adults are estimated to suffer from PTSD. So think about it this way – if you have 11 people in your office, one out of them is likely to be suffering from PTSD. Chances are you will not know which one it is, because many people suffer in silence. Why you may ask? It can be extremely debilitating and embarrassing to one’s ego to try to explain the range of emotions that come when a “trigger” takes place. I put the word trigger in quotations, because everyone’s trigger is different. PTSD develops after experiencing a traumatic event and rears its ugly head when the person experiences an event or feeling that reminds them of their trauma. The reaction is not a conscious thing because, since the traumatic event, the way the person responds has been altered. Specific symptoms can range in severity, and is often coupled with other conditions such as depression, substance abuse, memory problems, and so on. It also often takes a long time to be diagnosed. Mainly because it is not as black and white as people would think, and connecting the dots on your own can be hard.

This is where my story comes in. Let me start by saying, the term PTSD was not new to me
when I was diagnosed, as I’m sure it isn’t for you who is reading this. However, if you would have asked me if I was suffering from it, I would have denied it. I work for a Veterans organization as an intake specialist so I hear the term “PTSD” on a weekly, if not daily, basis. However, fully understanding it was another thing and associating any of that to me was definitely not on my radar.

It was not until this past weekend when an emergency call to my therapist took place, that I began to connect the dots of my emotions – the traumas of the past – and lastly, how they manifested into that very moment when I was panicking so bad I couldn’t catch my breath.

For those who do not know me, a little background is needed first. Dating back to when I was little, I have always been a sensitive person. I took things harder than most, and wanted to achieve perfection in anything I tried. This is what I consider to be the first layer in which my life was built. Having that as my first layer of skin, did not set me up well for anything that could potentially go wrong in the future. After taking some time to reflect, to date I have experienced two traumatic events in my lifetime – one being my dad’s death (which I personally witnessed) and the other being the verbal abuse I exposed myself to during my
relationship with my ex-husband. While clearly both affected me hard, I said to myself “other people have experienced worse, so stop feeling sorry for yourself.” In hindsight, this was the worst thing I could have ever said to myself because it did not allow myself to process and nor heal from these events. So when I would constantly break down or be triggered by something minor afterward, I thought I was just weak and emotional.

I honestly didn’t even know how to describe it to my therapist, other than in bits and pieces:

  1. When I felt “stuck” in a situation where I didn’t have control, I would go into a panic attack.
  2. Other people’s yelling or arguing whether at me or not, often made me cry or hyperventilate.
  3. I didn’t like leaving home. I got fearful something would happen to my significant other or one of my pets.
  4. Body-dysmorphia, and overall not feeling “good enough” – which often lead to perfectionist thinking and eating disorder thoughts/actions
  5. Fear of being cheated on – so much so that I become fixated on it, and again I would circle back to me not being “good enough”
  6. Constantly felt the need to apologize for everything.
  7. I would breakdown over small disagreements

I never connected any of these together. I just figured I was a sensitive person and suffer from high anxiety. I never went back to those traumatic events and thought “Oh, these events still affect me and are the reasons why I still react a certain way.” Yes they hurt, but I didn’t realize at what at a large scale they still hurt.

So, let’s flashback to Saturday – I was in a situation where I felt stuck in and thought it could could possibly end badly. I began hyperventilating – crying uncontrollably – wanting to run – and I honestly could not rationalize why I felt that way – only that I felt stuck. As I began describing the situation to my therapist and explaining I don’t understand why I’m reacting this way – she then said “you have endured a lot of trauma in past relationships. What you are experiencing are the same emotions you described to me with how you felt in your marriage.” We talked a little further and I said to her that I did not (in those moments) have any type of flashback or even relive the ten years of verbal abuse. It was instead, just the reaction – and then I got it. I understood what she was saying. The feeling of being stuck in a chaotic situation, in which I had no power, had reappeared and brought back all the same emotions it did every time I wanted to leave the unhealthy relationship I was in a couple years ago. The broken pieces of me were now affecting my current relationship because it was easier to run than to face the emotions head on.

I began processing that a little further and realized the bits and pieces I described to you earlier – were my triggers. The moments that often set me off and had became my new normal was because I had been so broken down from my watching my dad die, and dealing with constant verbal abuse/cheating/lies/etc because my ex-husband was dealing with his own mental illness.

Most people picture hardened war veterans or first responders when they think of PTSD. And yes, they take up a high percentage of those with PTSD. But PTSD can affect ANYONE who has experienced something traumatic. Having anxiety before these events in my life are what most likely made it so I was more predisposed to developing PTSD when these events did occur.

I find it extremely vulnerable and hard to discuss – especially on such a wide scale – but I feel it is important for me to share my story in some aspect, so others realize that anyone can develop PTSD. And more so, that the symptoms are real and cannot always just be stopped through reasoning. As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk states, “the big issue for traumatized people is that they don’t own themselves anymore. Any loud sound, anybody insulting them, hurting them, saying bad things, can hijack them away from themselves. And so what we have learned is that what makes you resilient to trauma is your own self fully. ” In other words, with the help of a licensed professional, the person suffering can learn their triggers and begin to understand themselves better and gain a stronger sense of self. While there is no cure nor one specific treatment, deciding to take the journey toward self-discovery is half the battle.

If you or someone you know is experiencing something similar to what I described, I urge you to seek a licensed professional to help sort it out. For more information on PTSD (such as symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment), please see the Mayo Clinic for more details.


#ptsdawareness #ptsd #ptsdrecovery #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #mentalhealth #depression #ptsdsurvivor #ptsdsupport #ptsdsucks #posttraumaticstressdisorder #ptsdwarrior #veteran #mentalillness #ptsdtherapy #fitness #fitnessmotivation #veterans #anxietyrelief #anxietyattack #endthestigma #posttraumatic #suicide #ptsdquotes #posttraumaticstressdisordersucks #posttraumaticstressdisorderawareness #depressionawareness #ptsdeffectsthewholefamily

Stuck in Your Own Head While Quarantined at Home

The worst place to be is stuck in your own head.

Being quarantined due to the COVID-19 outbreak only makes this dilemma worse. It is day two for me working from home and I have noticed that (what I thought would be blessing) is actually making me feel more lost. Don’t get me wrong – I love being in the comfort of my own home and laying with my dogs while answering phone calls. But, damn does it feel lonely.

The real issues I have noticed begin to pop out. “I am unloved – unworthy – and a piece of shit person.” It literally takes all the energy out of me to fight these circling thoughts.

Yesterday, my best friend sent me a text (without me saying ANYTHING) with a proposed daily schedule and sample workout. She said “It’s critical to maintain structure so you don’t fall into patterns you normally have while being at home.” I was amazed at how God sent me this sign through her after pleading for a way to stay sane.

Everyone’s daily routine is going to look different depending on how you work from home (if you are). But a sample morning schedule could look something like this:

7:30am – Get up, get dressed even if you aren’t going anywhere.
8:00am – Eat breakfast by the window and enjoy the nature outside
8:00am – Take a brief walk outside to start your day or do a 30 min workout
8:30am – Work for two hours no distractions
10:30am – Grab a healthy snack and free your mind for 15 mins.
10:45am – Go back to work until lunch
12:00pm – Lunch

If you notice, one of the things in this schedule is movement. Working at home can restrict that. Get yourself outside even if it is just for a brief walk. Force yourself to get out of your head and get some fresh air.

I even started a 1000 piece puzzle so that when I take a break my mind is focused on something other than my negative self-talk.

The key is having a plan and doing something proactive to combat the untrue thoughts that are circling. We will get through this, quarantined or not. One day at a time.

#quarantinedlife #quarantined #workfromhome #mindovermatter #positivity #mind #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #dbt #mindset

The Power of Addiction

“One of the hardest lessons I learned was that I was worth recovery.”

Demi Lovato

The term addiction is not a one size fits all kind of term, which is why many people need multiple rounds of treatment in order to truly begin sobriety.

For some, their addiction may be to a chemical or drug. This would be considered a substance dependence.

For others, their addiction may be gambling or eating. This would be a behavioral addiction.

Either way, addiction at its root is defined as “is a psychological and physical inability to stop consuming a chemical, drug, activity, or substance, even though it is causing psychological and physical harm.” *

Those who are caught in the midst of addiction struggle on a daily basis with overcoming the demons that got them there in the first place. Most people start voluntarily, but each time it becomes harder and harder to overcome the physical and mental pull addiction has. Self-control slowly diminishes as the person tries to “medicate” their body. The power of addiction is so strong that it is a leading cause of death in our country.

Addiction is like that friend you wish you never had. It gave you what you thought you wanted and then began to take everything from you.

The key to recovery is wanting it, and wanting it more than your addiction. Sometimes that can take years. Or other times, one addiction can manifest into another.

I am one of those people who struggle with an addictive personality. While I might recover from one addiction, I often find another to take its place – especially in times of distress.

The addictive pattern started in the form of cutting when I was a young 13 years old. I thought if I could take that pain I was feeling and put it somewhere else like in a physical wound, it would make more sense to me. This distorted thinking lasted for a while. Working with a therapist, I was able to stop and found other healthy ways to manage my stress.

However, shortly after, while trying to loss a few pounds, I got stuck in that addictive mindset again and a full blown eating disorder shortly followed.

Each time I tried to recover from one addiction, another one set in. Many people do not know the full extent I suffered because I have never disclosed it.

If I were to map out my addictions, it would look something like this:
13 yrs old – Cutting
16 yrs old – Anorexia
18 yrs old – Bulimia
21 yrs old – Drinking
28 yrs old – Physical Self-Harm and Pills
29 yrs old – Binge Eating

Looking back at this timeline, it is disturbing for me. It makes me feel horrible, which is generally what most recovering addicts feel while in recovery. It is almost like a cycle. The guilt can be consuming, which makes you want to go back to what soothed you.

The key is positive and factual self-talk – reminding yourself that the future is a blank slate and that you are in control. Yes, it might be an everyday struggle for a while – and it is definitely easier said than done. But, just like in real life – boundaries can be set.

You need to know you are worth recovery. You are worth a life beyond addiction. While this can be a hard fact to digest, saying it outloud and matter of fact, can actually fight those inner demons telling you “you are worthless.”

The power of addiction will always try to pull the person back into its cycle. It is a long journey, but it is not hopeless. A lot of organizations can help. If you or someone you know is struggling, please know help is available.

*Medical News Today, “What is Addiction?”

#addiction #recovery #addictionrecovery #sobriety #love #mentalhealth #sober #soberlife #depression #addict #rehab #wedorecover #anxiety #recoveryispossible #soberliving #motivation #alcoholism #mentalhealthawareness #onedayatatime #alcoholicsanonymous #addicted #aa #addictionawareness #drugs #healing #support #steps #therapy #health #bhfyp

Self-Discipline Reminders

When I start to feel off-balance, it is often because I have begun to skip the activities on my Self-Discipline tactics I am about to list. While I know it is counter-productive, the pattern is so easy to get trapped into. It starts with (a) getting overwhelmed then (b) crawling up on the couch and vegging and then (c) sleep and repeat.

Once I do this for more than one day, I find myself getting stuck and it is very hard to get unstuck – especially with the chronic pain I suffer from. For you, it may be pain as well that stops you or it might be just negative thoughts – which can be just as exhausting.

I am hoping this list will serve as a good reminder of your projected daily goals. You can alter it slightly to fit what works for you. The point is to at least have a list that you can refer to when you start to feel yourself feel off balance. A good tip is to read through them in the morning (out loud) so that the universe can hear your intention. As I have stated before, what you put into the universe usually cycles back around to you.

  1. Wake up on Time (or even earlier). Set an alarm and get up when your alarm goes off. Just by doing that simple task, you are inserting your drive to succeed. It takes self-discipline to get up on time or even early.
  2. Daily Exercise. It does not have to be crazy but MOVE. When we move, we release endorphins which helps with depression and anxiety. My personal goal (beyond daily exercise) is to exercise for thirty min. five times a week.
  3. Eat Healthy. When we eat crap food, we often feel crappy inside. When I am consistent with my macro counting, my energy levels increase and I generally feel happier. You can enjoy a piece of chocolate or a cookie every now and then, but try to watch your overall consumption.
  4. Follow-Through. Self-discipline is often in the follow-through. This does not mean saying yes to everything. What it means is if you do commit to something, try to keep that commitment.
  5. Avoid Temptation. A great way to build self-discipline is to avoid things you know you don’t want. For example, if you know your overall goal is to eat healthy, don’t buy doughnuts.
  6. Show Respect Toward Others. Being kind can have a ripple effect. Control your inner anger/frustration and choose to be respectful toward others, even if they are not that way toward you. Take the higher road.
  7. Personal Growth Time. Give yourself at least fifteen minutes a day to do personal growth, whether that is reading, listening to a podcast, or writing in a journal.
  8. Meet Deadlines, AKA: Don’t Procrastinate. You have to do something? Just do it. Don’t put it off because you don’t feel like it.

#selfdiscipline #selfcare #selflove #motivation #fitness #discipline #martialarts #selfdefense #selfconfidence #focus #hardwork #mindset #dedication #kickboxing #lifestyle #believe #goals #selfimprovement #meditation #love #life #fitnessjourney #selfdiscovery #fitnessmotivation #inspiration #selfawareness #selfmotivation #beltpromotion #getwisdom #bhfyp